The bus left on time, and the three women spread out a little, grateful for all the space they could get. They were almost the only ones on board.
To Clara's surprise, she found herself falling asleep almost as soon as she settled into the seat. She fought it, wanting to be up when Joey called. So she was surprised to be awakened out of a dream to find Anika poking at her arm in a fast rhythm that got very irritating, very fast. "Stop," she snapped.
"Oh. Um. Joey's on the phone," Anika said, and handed it to her.
"Why didn't you say so?" she asked.
"You were asleep," Anika mumbled, and went back to her seat on the other side of the bus.
Clara paused a minute, covering the mouthpiece of her phone. "I didn't mean to snap at you, I was just having this dream...."
Anika smiled sleepily. "I know. Your stupid phone woke me up from mine, so it's only fair...."
"You guys are pathetic," Marissa mumbled from the seat behind Clara's.
"Sorry, Anika," Clara said, and turned her attention to the phone. "Joey?"
"Hey. When do you get in?"
"In a few hours, not long," she responded.
Joey laughed. "No, I want an exact time. Then I check with Scoop to find out if I meet you, if we send someone from the hotel, or if we send Matt."
"Um... I think 7:35," Clara said.
"Oh, man, I'm not even gonna be up," he groaned.
"Close," Marissa told her. "It's 7:25." She peeked around the seat. "Tell him hi. And tell him to say hi to everyone else."
"It's 7:25, ten minutes earlier," Clara relayed.
"Okay, so I have to get up really early," he mumbled.
"You'd wake up just to meet me?" she asked, astonished. Marissa rolled her eyes and vanished again.
"Yes." He almost whispered it into the phone.
"Joey..." She couldn't go on. She honestly couldn't think of anything to say. Somehow, this man she'd seen be a bumbling idiot could do things that just made her glad to know him, and made her realize just how much she liked him.
"Hey, it's not often I get a great girlfriend, you know. I have to do some things right." His words were light, almost as if he were joking, but she could hear just how serious he was.
"It's not often that I get a great boyfriend. In fact, this is a first."
"Hm... really." He suddenly sounded very interested. "And why is that?"
Clara hesitated, glancing around a little. "Because," she mumbled, "you actually care."
"And no one else did?" he asked, then she heard a muffled "JC, go away. Now. You can talk to her later." Then a clearer, muttered "yeah, whatever. Sorry. I think getting Anika a phone would be a good thing at this point."
"You do that," Clara said perkily.
Joey chuckled. "Not me. JC can do that, if he wants to talk to her so badly. Now, back to this caring thing." His voice went soft again.
"Joey," Clara protested.
"Yes?"
"Um..." She didn't know what to stay, where to even start.
"I can wait until you join us again. I bet.... Oh, man, hang on." She heard a knock, then "hey, Scoop, when are we leaving Denver?"
The answer was muffled so she couldn't hear it, then Joey sighed. "Okay, great. We don't leave Denver until later tomorrow morning, so we're good. I'll be there by 7:30 for sure."
Clara paused, trying to get control of her feelings again. "Joey, you have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you."
Joey grinned. "Oh, once JC finds out I'm going, I may just get his sorry butt out of bed. Which would constitute a miracle. Which would be all your doing. And you're welcome," he added, sounding a little confused.
"If JC comes, it sure will be a miracle, one called Anika."
"Hey, you have a part in it, and don't you dare try to wiggle out of it," he scolded gently.
"But it's Anika JC likes...."
"Yes, but I'm giving him a reason not to be paranoid... and you're giving me a reason to give him one."
"If you say so," she said doubtfully.
"I do," he said firmly.
"So, what are you guys doing now? Anika is staring at me, almost willing me to give her the phone so she can talk to JC." She winked across the isle at the other woman, who smiled sleepily.
"We're settling down to sleep. We get a little bit of time in this city, something about a break from traveling. It's nice." He paused. "Anika said you were sleeping. I hope you don't mind that I made her wake you up."
Clara chuckled softly, and Anika looked at her, inquisitive. "Joey, all she did was wake me up from my dream you to the real you. I think I got the better part of the bargain." Anika smiled and settled a little more comfortably in her seat, closing her eyes.
"Hm... dream me, real me.... I'd say I got a good bargain, too," he said softly. "No you, you...." She heard him moving around a little. "What did you guys do while waiting for us to wake up?"
"Nothing. Played a lot of cards."
"Good games or just dorky ones? Well, I don't know about three girls playing strip poker in a crowded bus station... Okay, I am more tired than I thought," he chuckled. "Sorry."
Clara laughed softly. "No problem. Just as long as you didn't play strip poker without me there."
"Right," he laughed. "It's not fun playing strip poker without a mix, and... well... Lance just doesn't do it for me."
"I'm glad Lance doesn't do it for you, he does it for Howie, remember?"
Joey couldn't answer; he was laughing too hard, and there was a distinct thump that sounded like he dropped the phone. After a long pause, he gasped "don't do that" into the phone, sounding out of breath.
"What, tell the truth?" Clara asked innocently.
Joey sounded like he strangled on his own breath. "Lance and Howie? Not hardly," he finally got out. "For the two guys supposedly easiest to get along with, they can't get along with each other. I'm not sure why. But enough of the albino. How many people on your bus?"
"Enough," she said, not really wanting to get up and look around. She'd finally found a position that was mostly comfortable, and she didn't want to move.
"Okay, now I'm curious. What did you mean, about me caring? It sounded like no one else ever did. Or something," he added.
"It was nothing." She answered too quickly.
"It was not nothing," he told her gently, "but I won't push you. Oh, I never did ask! How was your time with Ben?"
"It was a blast!" she answered, then hoped he didn't hear her sigh of relief. "A total and complete blast. We wrote some more, hung out, just talked."
"Good. Florida sun, good friends... it's nice, huh." She could hear the longing in his voice.
"I wish you could have spent some time with us," she said softly. "We would have had so much fun."
"Well... next time. I'm just glad he and Chris didn't have time to get into any serious conversation. He's been behaving himself on this trip so far."
"I noticed," Clara said with a grin.
Joey huffed suddenly in frustration. "Tomorrow is traveling, all day, and I don't even know when we're supposed to get in, so no chance for privacy at all unless we get in early enough and people want to go out..." He growled softly into the phone. "I want a day off!"
"Soon, Joey," Clara soothed. "Soon, the two of us will do something, just you and me."
"Not according to Lance. The next free day is about four weeks away...." He sighed. "But I knew that when I got into this. I just didn't expect you to come along and throw everything off."
"Joey, it's okay. I'll make time to be with you, even if I have to call in sick a couple of days."
"They'll be saying I'm a bad influence on you, and then forbid me to see you, and then where would we be?" Joey asked dramatically.
"In a bad movie?" Chris' voice came clearly over the phone, and Joey gave a short cry in protest.
"I know I locked that door! How'd you get in here?"
"Tell Chris hi, and that we'll be exactly where we want to be... together."
"Yeah. No! I mean, they won't let me see you... and I'm waiting Chris." There was a second gasp from Joey, and Clara had to keep her giggles from escaping. "Where did you get a second key to my room?" Joey demanded.
"I asked Tim. We've been knocking on the door."
"I've been ignoring you on purpose!" Joey told him.
"I figured. You guys sound like Dawson's Creek or something." Chris' voice faded as he spoke, and she figured he was walking away.
"Wait! Give me that extra key," Joey demanded.
"I'll give it back to Tim." There was a wealth of disgust in Chris' voice as he said their manager's name, then she heard the door close again.
"I swear, he's worse than JC... Oh, good grief! No, you can't talk to Anika! Go away, Dad!"
"Tell him Anika's sleeping anyway," Clara said, trying and failing to keep the amusement out of her voice.
"No, I'm not," Anika protested, rousing out of her doze. Clara grinned at her and waved her away.
"She's sleeping, JC," Joey told him flatly. "You should do the same."
"Yes, he should," Clara said. "I want to talk to you some more."
"At least until the batteries die in one of these things.... For the last time, JC, no. Get a phone for her, and you can wait until tomorrow!" She heard the door close again. "Alone again," he mumbled. "So help me, if Justin or Lance poke their head in here, they're gonna lose it."
"Knock on wood," she said, then heard him sigh softly.
"Sometimes... So, Clara, are you happy?" It sounded almost flippant, but she could imagine his dark eyes staring intensely at her.
"Why wouldn't I be?" she asked, nearly as flippantly, and rather astonished at his question.
"Sometimes, you sound sad, and I wondered which was the norm - happy or sad."
"I'm happy now, Joey. I used to be sad... and sometimes I remember things that make me sad."
"Why did you used to be sad?" he asked softly, his usually buried New York accent peeking through his words.
"Because I wasn't like I am now... I didn't accept things, and I tried to change what couldn't be changed."
"Like what?"
"Just things." She paused. "Once I had this child in one of my classes. Her name was Maggie. She was so quiet...."
"Yeah?" he prompted when she didn't go on.
"Kind of like a miniature me... before. She really didn't have friends, and I made that my project, to introduce her to people."
"Did it work?"
"No... She said..." It was amazingly hard for her to get it out, but Joey waited silently, letting her get her thoughts together and her emotions under control. "She said she liked how she was. For a third grader, she was so loud, so angry."
The silence on the other end stretched until Joey cleared his throat. "I'm trying to think of something to say, and failing," he finally admitted.
Clara smiled softly. "You said the right thing," she told him. "It was a bunch of things like that... me trying to change what couldn't be changed... or didn't want to be changed."
"So, what did you do? I mean...." She could imagine his frustrated gestures, and her smile turned into a grin for a second.
"After a while, I guess I just accepted. It took a while though, a really long time."
"But...." He paused. "Did it make you happier? or sadder."
"You know, Joey, I really don't know anymore." There was a hint of tears, and a little bit of hopelessness, in her voice. He knew it had made her sadder, and wasn't entirely sure why she couldn't admit it. He felt he needed to get her mood back up.
"Well, can I ask your neighbor, Kate?" he asked in a fake English accent.
Clara chuckled. "Joey, that didn't make any sense."
"You haven't seen Henry V, I take it?" Joey asked. "JC made us watch it once. Great flick, if you can get past the beginning. Anyway, Henry is asking the French princess if she loves him. She says "I cannot tell" or something like that, and he asks her if he can ask her neighbors. That was a great scene, because at the end of it, he's about to kiss her, and the door opens and he goes "Here comes your father" and they both take off for opposite ends of the room. I've been in a position like that...."
"Oh." Clara sounded confused.
Joey chuckled. "I'll see if JC still has it around, and maybe we can watch it sometime."
"I'd like that," she whispered.
"Me, too," he whispered back. "Whatcha thinkin'?"
"Just stuff," she said. "About Maggie."
"Details, girl," he said gently. She could hear his smile, and smiled slightly in response. "Unless you don't want to. But it's making you sad, and I don't like you sad. I don't know how to cheer you up from... however many miles away we are right now."
"I want to," she said softly. "And your voice cheers me up."
"And now I shut up," he said, almost before she finished, then he paused. "Or not," he added with a chuckle. "But, how is my voice supposed to cheer you up if you're doing the talking?"
"I have an imagination, and a good memory, and you'll do some talking, too."
"Good," he said with a grin. "'Cause according to the guys, I'd probably die if I couldn't."
"They're probably right," Clara grinned.
"No probably about it, actually, ask my Mom. But as much as they may not believe it, I also know when to... listen."
"I know you do."
"Usually," he added with a light smirk.
"So...." Clara said hesitantly, not really ready to go on.
"What happened to Maggie?" he asked softly, all the humor gone from his voice.
"She... Well, she left after that day. And I... I went home and wrote Reflections. Spent all night on it. The next day, at school, she wasn't there. And the day after, she wasn't there."
"Reflections?" Joey asked softly, wanting to give her space away from the grief that filled her voice.
"It was a song I wrote... a long time ago."
"Oh...." Duh, he thought to himself. "Can I hear it sometime?"
"I suppose." She sounded hesitant. "It's sad, though."
"And we don't do sad songs?" he teased gently.
"It's... well, it's more than sad. It's depressing."
"Oh," he started.
"Double images stare at me, silently
They change, right before my eyes, silently
When the time comes they laugh silently
But I know they're laughing at me," she sang softly.
"Oh...." Joey breathed after a long pause. "I knew you had a beautiful speaking voice, but how did I miss the singing voice?"
"It's nothing," Clara whispered. "That was it. There's more, but I don't remember it."
"Nothing?" Joey questioned. "Your voice is at least on par with Justin's. You would do a great duet. Or even better, with JC," he mused softly. "It would be cool to hear you two sing "Where You Are." You'd rock it."
"That's not my song. I couldn't sing it," she said softly. "And besides, I'd rather sing with you."
"Oh." He realized he sounded like a broken record and decided it was time to stop it. "I'd love to sing with you, too, but my voice wouldn't do yours justice. It's too... raw or something, I don't remember what they said."
"Just the two of us, not everyone else," Clara explained after a minute.
"Sing what?"
"Something. Anything."
"But you only sing your songs.... So write one for us."
"I already have," she told him. "It's called Something, Anything."
He laughed gently. "And you didn't tell me?" he teased.
"Wouldn't I give something...." she sang softly,
"Anything to be with you.
All those times, late at night
when you hold me close
"Wouldn't I give something....
Anything to remember
those nights when you
held me so tight.
"Something, Anything
To remember forever
Something, Anything
To memorize once more
Something, Anything
So I could love you again."
"Oh...." he breathed, not even realizing he'd broken the promise to himself.
"Joey?" Clara whispered, unsure of what was going on.
"Huh? Oh. Geez, girl, you really write good stuff." She couldn't define his tone of voice. He sounded almost as if he were out of breath. "I'd kill that song."
"Joey, what's wrong?"
"Wrong? Nothing.... I just don't think I could do any kind of justice to that song of yours."
"I'll write something else, then. I want to sing with you."
"Don't throw that one away just because of me," he protested. "No, bad idea, bad."
"I won't throw it out, I'll just write another one."
He was silent for a minute. "I wish...." he started before breaking off in frustration. "I wish.... I don't know. I wish you were here," he whined faintly, then sighed. "I know, I know...."
"I wish I was there, too, Joey, but tomorrow will be there before you know it."
There was a second silence. "You know what?" he asked abruptly.
"No, don't know what," Clara answered.
"I think this is a good thing. This whole... relationship thing. I do." He said it firmly, as if he were talking to a child - or as if he were a child.
"So do I," Clara whispered.
"Whew," he said. "I was hoping you'd say that." He paused a minute. "You never told me what happened to Maggie. Did you ever find out? Or do you wanna wait until I can hold you before you tell me?" It sounded rather flippant, but at his frustrated sigh, she knew that wasn't how he wanted it to sound. "I mean..."
"No, Joey, it's okay. Maggie never came back." He thought it sounded like she was crying, and he stiffened on the hotel bed, worried for her. "Her mom... her mom died. And her father moved them away. The day she yelled at me, she was coming to say good-bye. She never did manage to." He could hear how she fought to keep her soft sobs from carrying across the phone line.
"I'm sorry," he whispered after a long time. She didn't answer, too busy wiping the tears from her face and waving Marissa away, who was trying to find out what was wrong. "I wish..." he started, then sighed. "I wish too much. I should have waited for you to be here," he said almost savagely.
"No, you shouldn't have, Joey," she said softly, more in control. Marissa smiled gently, leaned back in her seat, and fell asleep to Clara's soft conversation.
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