Writer's note: Well, this is it. Thanks to those people who reveiwed it, I really appreciate it. It's nice to know there ARE people who are willing to let you know how you feel; I really do appreciate it! Thanks again for reading!
Someone settled next to Isaac, but he was much too tired to open his eyes and find out who it was. "You okay?" Taylor asked gently.
Isaac choked on a laugh. "Oh, sure, ask a dangerous question." He sighed, fighting to stay awake. He was pretty sure it was a fight he was going to lose. "I don't know. I'm better, I guess." His words slurred, and he quit fighting. He barely felt Taylor's arm across his shoulders before he slipped into sleep.
The next thing he knew, ice cold water was running down his face, into his collar and down his chest. Still too woozy to even open his eyes, he swatted futilely to try to find the source of it and heard only giggling in response. Finally, he opened his eyes and squinted up at Taylor. "What, Tay." He almost winced at the whine that came out of his mouth.
That only made the grin on Taylor's face grow wider. "Come on, time to go in."
"What?" He straightened slowly, trying to ease cramped muscles straight again. "Oh, the hospital. Right." He ran his fingers through his hair, and sighed. "Are you sure they won't just toss me out again?" He could imagine what he looked like; years of looking in the mirror did that for you.
"Quite sure, actually. You don't look that bad. Come on."
"Oh, really." He crawled out of the van behind Taylor, and leaned against it while Taylor closed the door and locked it.
"Really." Isaac pushed away from the van and trailed after him.
"Hey, why did Dad want us all here?" he asked as they walked in the front door.
"You'll see." Taylor was not trying to hide his delight, which was good; he was horrid at it. He decided to try something else.
"I didn't think you were that vindictive, Tay. Was the water thing revenge?"
Taylor chuckled, and there was real mirth in it. Isaac was glad to hear it, even it if was at his expense. "No. We honestly couldn't wake you up. We've been upstairs for twenty minutes." He pulled Isaac into the elevator.
"Oh." Isaac rubbed his eyes, and when he opened them again, the elevator doors were open again, and Taylor was on his way out. Isaac lurched forward, too tired to be worried, scared, or even excited.
"In here." His father's voice startled Isaac, and he blinked; he hadn't even seen him. He followed Taylor into the indicated room, and looked at Zac, laying still on the bed. The only good thing he could see at that point was that his face wasn't covered by the sheet. Isaac stopped just inside the room, and stared.
Slowly, Zac's eyes opened, and then he grinned and breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Hey, Ike. You look like death warmed over." He smirked. "Or Mom's leftover meatloaf, which is the same thing."
"Zachary!" their mother protested, but only half-heartedly. Walker chuckled.
Isaac stared at his brother, stepping closer until he was standing by the bed. Zac was pale, and even that little sentence had made him short of breath. "Thanks," he finally managed, "you look worse." Actually, he looked alive, which was more than he'd really expected. "When are you coming home?" He wavered slightly, and felt someone's arms go around him.
"Why don't you sit down?" his father asked gently. "You don't look too well."
"He's the one in the hospital," Isaac protested, gesturing at Zac. He found that he didn't have the strength to resist as his father led him over to a chair and made him sit down. He leaned back in relief, closing his eyes. Sleep was all he wanted, now that he knew Zac was alive and okay.
"We don't know when he'll be coming home," Diana said, and took his hand. "We're waiting for Dr. Sunshine."
"I wonder if I've improved since he saw me last," Isaac mumbled.
"Actually, only slightly," Dr. Sunshine said from the doorway. "You do look less pale, that's for sure. And a bit less panicked."
Isaac rubbed his face. "I don't have the energy to be panicked."
"And Zachary! We're glad to see you awake."
Isaac winced as the doctor's voice cut through the headache that his nap hadn't gotten rid of. Zac grinned. "Ike, panicked? Wish I could have seen that."
"Me, too," Isaac muttered. "When can he come home?"
"It won't be for a while. I'm afraid the blow to the head had some adverse effects. You're going to have some problems. You may have to learn to walk again."
"But I'll be able to?" Zac asked.
Diana suddenly gasped. "Ike, let go. You're hurting me."
He looked down to see he was gripping her hand, and let her go with a jerk, transferring his grip to the arms of the chair. "Sorry. What do you mean, he has to learn to walk again?"
"It's fairly common with that kind of injury, Isaac. It's part of the recovery process." The doctor turned to look at him in some consternation.
"Oh." He scrunched down in his chair, feeling all their eyes on him. He looked up hesitantly and met Avery's gaze and flinched at the scowl he saw there. He immediate looked down at the floor. His mind spun. It wasn't over. Zac still had all that to go through. His shoulders hunched at the thought, and he wished it had been him, not Zac.
"It wouldn't have made it any easier," his mother said gently, touching his arm. He started; he hadn't realized he'd said it out loud. How much had he said?
"Besides," Zac added, "this is my fault, Ike. I was the one who distracted you."
"No!" Avery protested, from the other side of the room. Her glare stabbed into Isaac's already pounding head, and he averted his eyes again. "Isaac tried to kill you!"
Zac stiffened, looking over to Isaac. Isaac suddenly found the floor very interesting, looking for patterns in the tile almost frantically. His hands tightened on the arms of the chair, his knuckles turning white. He didn't feel it. "What?" Zac demanded.
"It was on the news, and all over the web, that Isaac was jealous of you and tried to kill you."
"Is that what the yelling earlier was all about?" Diana demanded, her hand tightening on Isaac's arm.
"Avie, it's not true." Even to his own ears the protest sounded week, over used.
"What is she talking about?" Zac demanded.
"Oh, the rumor mill has had a hey day," Taylor spat out, "and came down hard on Ike. Someone convinced the press that the crash wasn't an accident, that he tried to kill you."
Zac's eyes widened. "They what?!!"
"Enough." Dr. Sunshine's voice, calm as it was, made Isaac flinch. "That's way too much information for Zac right now, and more than he needed to know. I'll have to ask you to leave now." His hand fell heavily on Isaac's shoulder. "Wait for me in my office, please. I want to check on your wrist." Isaac nodded numbly and stood.
"What happened to his wrist?" Zac demanded.
"He sprained it in the accident," Dr. Sunshine soothed gently. "He's okay, I just want to look."
The door closed behind them, then someone took Isaac's arm. "I'll go down with Ike, Mom," Taylor said beside him. "We'll meet you back up here when we're done."
They emerged from the stairwell to a page: "Dr. Merris, Dr. Kathy Merris, please call the nurse's station on the fourth floor."
"I know her," Isaac said softly. "She talked to me while I was here."
"I remember," Taylor said, just as soft. "You scared me, you know?"
"When?" It was hard to think.
"When you were a patient here." Isaac followed him down the hall. "I've never seen you lose it like that."
"Oh. Welcome to my nightmare."
Taylor chuckled, sounding relieved. "Great. Get you exhausted and you still spout cheesy movie lines."
"Are the movies cheesy or the lines?" Isaac asked after a minute of trying to make sense of what Taylor had said.
"Knowing your taste, both."
"Yeah, well.... you like the same movies, remember." He honestly could not come up with anything better.
"Here," Taylor said, and pushed him into a seat. "I'll wake you up when he comes back."
Isaac didn't protest. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He'd nearly drifted off when Taylor shook his shoulder. "Hey, wake up."
"I'm up, I'm up." He pushed himself up in the chair and blinked sleepily at the doctor.
"You don't look up," Dr. Sunshine smiled, and knelt by him, gently taking Isaac's right wrist and moving it around. "Any pain?"
"No, not really." He straightened a little more, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes. The doctor traded his right wrist for his left, examining the still-vivid scar there.
"How about this one?"
"Hurts sometimes."
"When?" His eyes met Isaac's.
"Sometimes when I'm playing guitar. That's when we stop."
"Good." The doctor nodded and stood. "Be careful, and I don't want either of you talking to Zac about any of this for a while, all right?"
"Okay," Taylor said.
Isaac shrugged. "Shouldn't be a problem."
"All right." A hand on his shoulder made Isaac look up into the compassionate eyes of the doctor. "I suggest you go home and sleep."
"I don't have a problem with that, either." He struggled to his feet. "Tay, do you still have the keys?"
"Yeah. You going home?"
"No." It came out harsher than he'd planned, and he noticed the doctor turn to look at him. "I'm just going to curl up in the back seat."
Taylor dug the keys out of his pocket and handed them to Isaac. "I'll tell Mom you're in the car."
"Thanks." He left after thanking the doctor, and walked slowly down the hall. His thoughts spun. Somehow he would have to help Zac, make up for what he'd done. He found the van, crawled in, and curled up in the back. His last thought, before dropping off to sleep, was that he hadn't even apologized to Zac.
"Isaac. Wake up."
He stirred, groaning in frustration. Why couldn't they just let him sleep? "Go ‘way."
His mother chuckled. "We're home. Taylor thinks you'd do better in your bed. Or his, he doesn't care. You really don't look that comfortable."
Isaac straightened his legs, then opened his eyes. They were home, and his mother looked a lot better. "Avery still hate me?" he asked, pushing himself up. He was stiff again. Maybe he was glad they'd awakened him.
"She's gone to a friend's. Come on." She tugged gently on his arm, then let him go and backed out of the van. He followed, still too tired to think. She helped him upstairs, and he collapsed onto Taylor's bed. He was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.
When he woke up, he felt much better. The head ache was gone, and so were most of the aches in his muscles. He ventured out of the room, and then down the stairs, almost afraid of running into Avery. Speaking of Avery, his mother had never answered his question. Armed with a goal, he went in search of his mother for an answer.
He found his father, Taylor, Jessica, Mackenzie, and Zoe watching a movie of some sort, and hovered in the doorway, just watching them. That didn't last long; his stomach growled, catching Taylor's attention. He grinned and nudged Jessica. "Hey, sleeping beauty is awake! Hungry, Ike?"
Isaac lifted one eyebrow at the "sleeping beauty" remark. Then his stomach rumbled again. "Yeah, I think so."
"Great. There's stuff in the kitchen." Taylor extracted himself from the couch and pushed Isaac into the kitchen.
Just as they finished, the front door opened, then slammed closed. They caught sight of their mother storming past, exchanged a glance, and scrambled for the doorway. "Walker, she's not calming down. What are we going to do?"
Isaac sighed. "Avie, right?"
She spun, her eyes wide. "Isaac! You're awake!"
He almost laughed at her expression. "I wasn't supposed to hear that, was I?"
"Not really," she sighed. "You look better. How's your head?"
"Fine. I really can't do anything right, can I?" he asked ruefully.
"Ike, it's not your fault." The warning in his father's voice got through. Isaac dropped his eyes, staring at the floor. "Dr. Sunshine did not call," he added. "Diana, you look dead. I'll get the children to bed."
She sighed and nodded. "I think that's a great idea." She turned, and lay her hand on Isaac's arm. "I love you," she whispered, touched Taylor's shoulder, and slipped past them to climb the stairs.
A few days later came the good news: with help and physical therapy, Zac would be fine. The whole house became suddenly busy as Taylor and Isaac began the mammoth task of moving their stuff out to the garage. The living room was slated to become Zac's personal gym. It seemed forever until Zac came rolling up the makeshift ramps into the house for a small - well, family only welcome back party.
The next day, the real work began. Isaac woke Zac, but didn't help him get up immediately.
"So, glad to be home?" he asked, sitting on the bed. His eyes focused on his hands clasped in his lap.
"Yes." Zac's fervent answer made Isaac smile.
"Me, too." He took a deep breath. "Zac, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry that you thought I hated you. I'm sorry I didn't stop and make you sit still."
"Ike." Zac sighed and pushed himself up; Isaac helped him steady himself. "You couldn't have made me sit still. You know that. I bet you've been blaming yourself this whole time."
Isaac felt himself blush, and closed his eyes. "Yeah," he finally got out.
Zac sighed. "I have that effect on people. I don't know how I do it." He rolled his eyes dramatically. "All right. I'll make you a deal." He was serious now, and Isaac looked at him, almost against his will. "You forgive me, I'll forgive you, and that'll be the end of it."
"Forgive you for what?"
"For not being here to talk you out of the guilt. It was partially my fault. I mean, I know you don't get to drive as much as you'd like. It was unfair of me to think you could handle my... hyperness." He grinned. "So I made a word."
Isaac took a deep breath, then looked at Zac and nodded. "All right. I forgive you for not being here to talk me out of the guilt." He smiled. "And for distracting me while I was trying to drive."
"Very good. I thought it would take longer." He reached over and hugged Isaac. "And I forgive you." Isaac hugged him back, and didn't let go until Zac squirmed. "Hey, I'm gonna start questioning some things about you," he laughed.
Isaac blushed, hooked the wheel chair with a foot, and pulled it close. "Let me know if you get sick of this room," he said, helping Zac into it. "I did."
"When?"
"Oh...." He shook his head, suddenly remembering the doctor's order. "I just spent a lot of time in here. It was close to Mom, but not in her way, you know?"
Zac eyed him critically, then nodded. "Yeah. She would have needed support." Isaac didn't answer, helping Zac into the wheel chair instead. "I'm already sick of this thing," he muttered.
"Yeah, makes it hard to roller blade, doesn't it?" Taylor asked from the doorway. "What is taking so long?"
"A brother to brother talk," Zac grinned. "And for being so insolent, you can push me into the kitchen."
Isaac laughed. Taylor sighed in mock long suffering, and got behind the chair. "This won't happen much, right?"
"I hope not," Zac said fervently.
"Isaac." It was a few days later, and Isaac had traded his homework for one of his favorite books. His mother's voice came as a surprise, and he looked up at her rather lethargically.
"My homework's done," he said, and went back to the book.
"I'm taking Zac to his therapy appointment. I want you to drive."
That got his attention. He sat up, shaking his head. "No. No way."
She stepped forward and took his book, then laid a hand on his head. "I'm not taking no for an answer. We're going early, to give you all the time you need."
"Mom, this is not a good idea." His hands were trembling.
"Yes, it is." She took his arm and pulled him to his feet, but didn't let him go. "Take it slow. You can do this."
"Are you crazy?" He pulled against her, but not hard enough he might hurt her.
"I have been accused of that, yes. This is a first from you, however." Steadily, if slowly, she pulled him into the hallway.
"Hey, Ike!" Zac grinned at the other end, waiting in the entry way. "Ready to go?"
"You want me to drive?" His resistance eased in his incredulity, and his mother sped up, able to move faster.
"Yeah."
"I know you're crazy," he said dismissively, and turned back to his mother. "Mom, this is insane! I can't...."
"It's very simple, Ike." Zac's voice, sharp with impatience, brought Isaac's protests up short. "You don't drive, I don't go."
Everything stopped, including Isaac's thoughts. Then they shot forward again, speeding too fast, consequences flying past his startled consciousness. It didn't help. "You can't mean that."
"Why not?"
"Don't drop this on me!"
"It's not that big a deal!" Zac yelled back. "It's not like I can move! All you have to do is drive."
Isaac's thought screeched to a halt again, then he nodded sharply. "Fine." He wrenched his arm from his mother's hold, ignoring her gasp of pain. "Let me get my shoes." He ran up the stairs to his room, pausing inside the door to try to still his shaking. To his surprise and disgust, he was on the verge of tears.
"Ike? What's wrong?" He jerked his eyes to where Taylor sat on his bed, back against the wall, the laptop balanced on his knees.
"I'm... They want me to drive Zac to therapy."
Taylor set the computer aside, and climbed off the bed. "You don't want to."
"I'm scared!" It came out before he stopped to think. "Last time I thought about driving I ended up curled in a ball! What if I really kill him this time? What if Dad has to raise Zoe alone? What if...."
Taylor clapped a hand over his mouth. "The what ifs will kill you, Ike. Don't think about them." His blue eyes, calm, met Isaac's brown ones, then he let him go. "I know you're scared. But, Ike, this is just another of your demons. Take your time. Pull over if you have to. If he's late, he's late. If he misses one appointment, it won't hurt him. You can do this."
Isaac took a deep breath, then pushed himself away from the wall. "If you think so."
"Ike, all you have to do is let it go." Isaac pulled some shoes on, tying them carefully. Taylor laughed. "Stalling tactics here will only get you yelled at."
"Maybe. They said to take my time." He shrugged. "Mom didn't stipulate when that started." He stood and headed for the door, then turned back. "Thanks, Tay."
Taylor grinned. "Oh, any time."
They were waiting in the entry way when he reached it, and he took the keys from his mother. "All right, insane people, let's go." He heard his mother sigh but ignored it, taking hold of Zac's wheelchair and pushing him out the door. At least, with that weight, they couldn't see how badly his hands were shaking.
The drive to the hospital was as bad as Isaac had imagined. He pulled over twice, trying to calm his trembling, afraid it would escalate into another seizure, and they sat there in silence until he started again. When they finally reached the hospital, he put his head down on the steering wheel and just tried to breathe.
"Are you okay?" His mother's words were accompanied by a touch on his arm. He ignored her, trying to get through the terror and relief he felt. They'd made it, no one was hurt, or dead.... "We're on the fourth floor, Isaac. Come inside when you're ready. Or in fifteen minutes, which ever comes first." He listened to them leave. Zac hadn't said a word. Isaac just sat there for a while, and finally got out of the car. Sitting and thinking wasn't helping at all. He carefully locked his door, and walked into the hospital.
On the fourth floor he was directed to a large gym. He stood just inside the door, wishing he could fade into the wallpaper as Zac gasped in some pain, and they started the exercise again. He couldn't look away, knowing he'd caused this.
"Hello, Isaac." He turned to see a vaguely familiar woman standing beside him in the doorway. He tried to remember who she was, thankful for the distraction from Zac. After a minute, it clicked.
"You're Dr. Merris."
"I wondered if you'd remember. You were pretty out of it when we met. Would you like to sit down?" She gestured at a small waiting area in the corner of the gym near him. He looked at her warily, then shrugged and sat down. "How's your wrist?" she asked, taking the chair across from him.
"Fine."
"Are you playing again?"
He leaned back, suspicious. She laughed. "Taylor asked me if you would, remember?"
"Oh... oh, right. Just before the seizure."
"I think it caused it," she said. "I'm not a medical doctor, but that's my opinion. Are you playing?"
"Yeah, some. Hurts sometimes, though." He turned back to watch Zac, finding that more restful than her questions.
"I guess that's to be expected. How long did you stop playing?"v
"About six weeks, I think." He turned to look at her. "Does my Mom talk to you?"
"Sometimes." She gestured to the center of the room, where he could see the physical therapist, Zac, and his mother conversing about something. "That's Dr. Travis Merris. My husband. I'm usually here when they come in. Sometimes we talk." She smiled. "I suggest you call me Dr. Kathy. It's easier that saying our names all the time. He's just Travis."
"Oh." She was big on questions. At least she didn't mind answering a few in return. And the whole name thing was a relief.
"Why did you come?"
He sighed, rubbing at his scar. "Mom told me she wanted me to drive."
"So you did."
"No. Well, yes."
She chuckled. "Which is it?"
"Yeah, I drove." He shifted uncomfortably.
"Not willingly?"
"No." He looked at her closely, then back at his mother, who stood off to the side, watching what was going on. "Did my Mom put you up to this?" He could feel himself getting a little angry.
"No, Isaac. I mentioned a while ago that it might be good to get you driving again. A sort of "get back on the horse that bucked you off" type of thought. This meeting was not necessarily the plan."
"Yeah, well..." He shifted again, feeling the anger drain away before it got bad. "How is Zac doing? Really?"
"Travis says he's doing great. Pretty soon he'll be only coming in once a week, then less and less, but someone has to help him at home."
Isaac nodded, mesmerized by the tears he could see on Zac's face, in spite of his smile. He looked down, his mind spinning in circles that mimicked the downward spiral he'd experienced the day Zac had woken up. When he finally broke it and looked up again, she was gone, but his mother stood in front of him. "Hi. Ready to go?"
"Do I have to drive?"
His mother laughed. "I'm going to remember this day, Isaac, for a very long time. The day my son changed his question from "Can I drive?" to "Do I have to drive?" is one that is going in my journal. A very momentous occasion."
"Right, Mom." He held out the keys to her, but she turned away, going over to get Zac. Isaac followed, more than a touch confused about the whole day.
The drive home and subsequent trips to the hospital were uneventful, and Isaac slowly began to calm down about it. More often than not, Dr. Kathy Merris was there, and sometimes they'd talk. He also began to work with Zac and the physical therapist, and found himself elected to be Zac's at-home therapist.
The day before Zac's birthday, Isaac pulled up at the hospital with his mother and Zac, but didn't move as they started to get out. "Fifteen minutes," his mother said softly, and closed her door. Isaac leaned back against the seat, trying to get his terror under control. It had been so close.... He threw the door open, locked it, and ran across the parking lot to the front door to avoid thinking about the accident they had nearly been in. Zac was late today; he'd had to pull over for a while, his hands had been shaking so badly.
In the gym, instead of joining Zac on the mats, he sank down on the floor in the little waiting area, pulled his knees to his chest, and rested his head on them. He was too shook up to do anything else. It occurred to him then that he could have asked his mother to finish the drive, and maybe she'd drive home....
"That is Zac," he heard Dr. Kathy say fairly near to him, probably from the doorway. "His brother should be around here somewhere." Isaac wished he could shrink into a smaller ball.
"Trisha, Kathy, come on in," Travis called.
"Did you see Isaac?" Diana asked. Isaac sighed. He had to let her know he was here, or she'd go looking for him, and get really mad when she found that he'd been there the whole time.
"I'm here," he said, lifting his head and waving dispiritedly at her. Dr. Kathy, half way to where Zac was, turned to look at him, then leaned down to say something to the girl at her side. She glanced back at Isaac, then went on across the mats to where Zac was. Dr. Kathy started towards him. He ducked his head down again, tightening his grip around his knees.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"Yeah." Hopefully his mom wouldn't hear that he'd just lied to Dr. Kathy.v
"You look it." He didn't really have an answer, so he didn't say anything. "What happened?"
He sighed. "I almost had an accident. It just shook me up. I'll be okay in a couple of days."
"Why so long?"
"That's the next time I have to drive. I have to be okay."
There was a long pause, then she touched his shoulder. "Isaac, do you drive other times, when you aren't bringing Zac to and from the hospital?"
He looked up at her. "No. The bus system here is great, and I don't go out much anyway. Too cold, nothing to do, no one to see."
"No one to see?"
"Well...." That was a lie, too. Both Jacob and Tim had stopped by to see if he wanted to catch a movie with them, and he'd gone, so nervous he could hardly sit still. He couldn't even remember what movie they had gone to see, but by the end of the night, he'd calmed down and felt normal. He didn't know if he'd acted normal, but he'd felt normal. He took a deep breath and told her about it.
"Good," she nodded. "Sounds like things are getting back to normal."
"Sort of," he answered, then turned his attention back to Zac. "Who is that?"
"My daughter, Trisha. She's interested in her father's work. I suppose I should be thankful; she's the only one of all our kids who have shown any kind of interest in either of our professions. I can't help but wish it had been mine." She chuckled. "Travis has been talking up your brother for a while. He's improving quickly, and it's in part thanks to you. Zac says you're the one who keeps him on schedule."
"Yeah, well..." Isaac shrugged. "I have to do my best to fix this." He gestured out at Zac. "I mean, I'm not totally responsible, but I'd be a terrible brother if I didn't badger him about something."
"That's one way to put it." They sat in silence, watching the activities in the center of the gym. Slowly, Isaac began to loosen up, and after a while, he stretched out his legs and leaned against the wall. "Feel better?"
"A little." He thought a minute. "Do you think my Mom would let me take a break from driving today?"
"Why?"
He thought a minute. "I'm afraid.... Well, that too, but I think I might be even worse on the drive home. And if I had some time, until the next time we come..." He couldn't exactly figure out what he wanted to say. After a minute of stumbling over words, he laughed. "You'd never guess I wrote songs by the way I talk. Does that make sense, or is my logic faulty there, too?"
"All you can do is ask, Isaac."
He sighed. "So, how old is she?"
"Twelve. She's our youngest."
Isaac wondered how much of the girl's interest was due to her father's work, and how much due to his brother out there, trying to strengthen his legs to be able to walk again. "His left leg is slow to react," he said, musing. "I've noticed that the last few days."
"Tell Travis. He'll want to know that."
Isaac watched them a little longer, then climbed to his feet and walked out across the mat, to convey that information and to talk to his mother. The problem was, he felt better now, and didn't look like he'd have a hard time driving home. Well, whatever happened would happen. It had been that way for a long time.
The days passed quickly, full of hard work and music. Isaac spent most of his days helping Zac, studying, and playing. It didn't seem long, only a couple of months or so, when Zac no longer had to use the wheelchair. He came home on Isaac's birthday with crutches instead of the wheelchair, and after a few days, slept in his own bed for the first time in months.
The physical therapy sessions were mostly at home, with a bi-weekly trip for a check up. And they were getting strenuous, so more was expected of Isaac and Zac.
"Are we doing this tomorrow?" Zac asked as they began to wind down, his voice a touch whiney.
"Yes, Zac. This is what, the fourth time you've asked? Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean a break." Isaac had shed his sweatshirt about half way through the session, and was working in his t-shirt. He was putting the weights away when Zac grabbed his left arm.
"What is that?" he demanded.
"What?" Isaac was confused until Zac turned his arm over to reveal the scar. He'd totally forgotten about that, oddly enough, and why he usually wore lighter long sleeved shirts than a sweatshirt. "Oh."
"Oh?" Zac repeated. "What is it?"
"A scar." Oh, smart, Ike. Like that will get him off this.
"How did it get there?"
Isaac regarded him silently, surprised at how calm he felt, considering how angry Zac sounded. He was almost strong enough to do some damage, now. "I put it there," he said finally.
"With what? A razor blade?" If looks could kill, Isaac thought.
"Actually, one of Mom's best steak knives." If the conversation hadn't been so serious, he would have laughed at the incredulous expression on Zac's face.
"Why?" he finally asked.
"Because it was sharp."
Zac proved he was getting stronger by punching Isaac in the shoulder, a furious look on his face. "Not the knife," he said, scowling. "Why?"
"Oh." Isaac paused, thinking, rubbing absently at the shoulder Zac had just hit. It had stung. "Because I don't like being alone." He shrugged. "I felt like everyone hated me, like everyone blamed me, that they believed it was a murder attempt."
"Like who, everyone?" Zac asked, his voice tense.
"Everyone, Zac. Mom couldn't stand the sight of me. Avie, Jess, and Tay avoided me. I guess Mackie didn't only because he didn't understand, and Zoe had no clue what was going on. Dad didn't say a word to me for almost three weeks. People quit writing email unless it was threatening." He shrugged again. "Then someone told me they wished I was dead. I figured I'd make one person happy, since I'd shattered their life."
"Who?" Zac's eyes sparked.
"That's between that person and myself." He knew Zac would take that news badly, and decided to keep it from him as long as he could.
"Can I guess?"
"Go ahead. Doesn't mean I'll tell you if you're right." He grinned at Zac, who scowled at him. "Come on, it's all in the past anyway. It's not important."
"What if I'd woken up and you were dead?" Zac demanded.
"You didn't."
"Ike. When I woke up, Dad was the only one here. He called home, then I got bombarded by the whole family. All at once." He grinned. "It was a little overwhelming."
"Yeah, I bet."
"The nurse made them calm down by threatening to make them leave. That's when I realized you weren't there. I almost gave the nurse a heart attack by totally freaking out." He paused. "I didn't know what to think, didn't know how to react. I think I started stuttering even. Mom said you were in the car, and sent Tay to get you. I almost called her a liar when it took so long to get you up there." He looked at Isaac. "Before it got to that, all I could do was imagine what I could have done. I came up with some gruesome stuff. I was so glad to see you, even if you did look like death warmed over, all body parts in place and no weird marks on you face, I almost cried."
"Oh." Isaac shifted uncomfortably.
"But you were so exhausted! What happened?"
"Oh.... Unfriendly words." He looked around, still uncomfortable.
"The yelling Mom talked about."
Isaac chuckled. "Yes. It was quite phenomenal."
Zac eyed him, then nodded slowly. "It was Avery."
Isaac shrugged. "I told you I wouldn't confirm or deny any guesses you made." He grabbed his sweatshirt and put it back on. "I've got gifts to wrap."
"Mine?" Zac asked eagerly, standing unsteadily.
Isaac laughed, glad that had distracted him. "Yes, yours. And everyone else's. I'll see you at dinner." He left the room and went down to the basement. Once out of sight, he took a deep trembling breath and leaned against the wall. That had been harder than he'd imagined, and unexpected. He should have been ready. To be honest, however, he was glad it was out, glad that Zac knew.
Zac's birthday present to Taylor was that he was allowed to play again, and for the first time in months, the house sounded like normal. Every time Zac was out of the house, Taylor and Isaac had their heads together, working on the piece Isaac had written. It remained simple, and a secret to everyone in the family. They found that the music sessions turned into planning sessions, both with and without Zac. Their parents eventually got used to being pulled out of whatever they were doing to cement their plans for the furthering of their career.
In April, Dr. Travis Merris told them that Zac was no longer improving. They'd gone as far as possible. "There has been nerve damage from the blow to the head. Chances are, you'll always need a cane," he said to Zac. Isaac felt his shoulders begin to hunch over. He scowled faintly and rolled them back. No blame, he thought.
"Well, I can walk, and I can play drums," Zac said, and Isaac flinched from the disappointment in his eyes. "At least there's that."
Travis nodded approvingly. "It's been a pleasure working with you two," he said. "It's not often I see a family that starts therapy as close as your is. Keep exercising it, and it won't degenerate any. You'll do fine."
They said their good-byes and walked slowly out to the van. Isaac helped Zac in, and stood there in the open door for a moment. "Are you okay?" he finally asked.
Zac looked at him, sadly, and sighed. "Yes," he said, dispirited. "I'm fine."
Isaac touched his shoulder, then hugged him. Zac hugged him back, clinging tightly to him. When his grip eased, Isaac let him go, stepping back to smile at him. He was surprised to see he'd been crying. "I'm sorry, Zac," he said quietly.
Zac took a deep breath. "Let's go."
Isaac closed the door and walked around the van, heart-heavy. It just wasn't fair.
They drove home in silence, with Isaac trying to find something to say. "It's not your fault," Zac said finally as they turned onto their street.
"I know," Isaac sighed. "It doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't make me any less sorry."
Zac took a deep breath. "So. I've reached that goal. What's the next one?"
"A come-back concert in Tulsa," Isaac said. It sounded as if he'd been planning it, but it had just come out. He hadn't even realized he'd been thinking about it. He turned the car off, and looked at Zac, who was staring at him. "Well," he stammered, "as soon as you can play long enough without hurting yourself."
The stunned look on Zac's face slowly changed to the familiar, determination that had been missing for a while. "Right, of course. One last concert."
"No." It came out a little sterner than he'd planned. "The first. May be the only one this year, but it will not be the last. That's for sure."
Zac looked at him, then slowly nodded. "All right. We'll try it."
Isaac laughed. "Do, or do not. There is no try," he said in a fair imitation of Yoda's voice.
Zac hit him lightly in the shoulder grinning. "Geek."
"No, that's Tay," Isaac shot back, and got out of the car. They walked into the house, and Isaac told Zac he'd get Taylor, and to get their parents in the kitchen. By the time they got back downstairs, the others were waiting in kitchen.
"We want to do a concert," Zac was saying as Taylor and Isaac walked into the room. "Here, in Tulsa, in a few months." Taylor looked at Isaac in some panic.
"Can you?" Diana asked.
"He's done. I'm done," Zac corrected himself. "I don't need to go back anymore."
"Where... are we going to do this concert?" Taylor asked, sitting next to his mother.
"We haven't decided we are going to," Walker said.
"We have," Isaac said. "We're just waiting for you to come around to the idea. It'll be here, in Tulsa."
"It won't be for a while," Zac added. "I can't play that long yet."
"We'd like to set a goal and work towards it," Isaac said.
"Please?" Taylor asked.
Walker sighed and glanced at his wife. She shrugged. "Your mother and I want to talk about this before anything is said to Chris or anyone else." He fixed each of the boys with a stern glare. "Understood?"
"Yes, sir," they all chorused.
"Good. We'll talk later tonight." They left the room and split up, effectively dismissed.
Isaac spent the afternoon on pins and needles. He practiced with Zac and Taylor, but couldn't concentrate on anything. He finally found himself standing at the bottom of the tree with the tree house in it, looking up the ladder.
"Are you going up?" Taylor asked from behind him.
"I don't know. I don't think so. I'm not allowed. Besides, does it really matter, if I can or not?"
"Probably not, to anyone but you." Taylor nudged him, and started up the ladder. "Come on. You hate not being able to go somewhere." He reached the tree house and vanished from view. "Come on, Ike. Then longer you wait, the harder it will be."
Isaac sighed, and started up. He stepped into the tree house and looked around. "Well," he said, "I made it." There was no feeling of too much pressing in on him, no feeling that he was going to loose control. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"Yeah, and you should see Dad's face," Taylor said from the window that faced the house.
"Clarke Isaac Hanson! Get in this house right now!" Isaac winced.
"I think I'm about to," he said with a wry grin at Taylor.
"Oops." Taylor turned to look at him. "Sorry."
Isaac shrugged. "I'll survive this." He climbed back down the ladder and went into the house. He was in a very good mood, in spite of the tongue lashing he was sure he was about to get.
"I know I told you to stay out of the tree house," Walker said as he walked into the entry way. "Why did you go up there?"
"Because I want to see if I could."
"The last time you did that, you almost hurt yourself." He eyed Isaac and Isaac smiled.
"I know, Dad, I'm better now."
"Isn't that what you thought the last time?"
Isaac sighed. "Dad, I refuse to be scared about this. I've gotten rid of every other little... phobia, demon, whatever. It was time for that one. I haven't had a seizure in a long time."
His father took a deep breath, calming himself. "All right. It's been done. Next time, let me know, okay? So I don't kill myself trying to keep you from killing yourself."
Isaac grinned. "Sure, Dad, I will."
He nodded, then hugged Isaac. "You had me worried. Don't do that."
"I'll try, Dad."
With that goal - and the okay from their Mom and Dad - the music became focused, practices gradually getting longer. The business side of it began to fall into place, and with prayer and discussion, they decided on a date. The night before the concert, during practice, it hit Isaac what date they had chosen. In the middle of "Ever Lonely", he began to laugh, hit a wrong note, and completely lost it. The irony was just too rich.
"Ike, are you okay?" Zac asked. Isaac leaned weakly against the wall, the occasional laugh still shaking him.
"All right, that's it." Taylor switched his keyboard off. "No more."
"No, I'm okay," Isaac said as Taylor moved across the room and switched his amp off.
"Has nothing to do with that. I'm so tense I can hardly stand it, and from that, you aren't in any better condition. We have a concert tomorrow, and I've got to relax. So do you. Wanna watch Fifth Element or Con Air." It was a choice of movies, not of watching them.
"Fifth Element!" Zac said, finally emerging from behind his drum set, balancing on his cane. Isaac set his guitar on the stand.
"Works for me," he said, and they headed up the stairs.
The next day dawned sunny and bright, and the household started out in utter confusion, fairly typical for the morning of a concert. They got to the arena for the two o'clock sound check, then Isaac and Taylor snuck off to find the sound and lighting people. They explained the deviation from the line up, and what they wanted. Once that was clear, they headed back to the backstage area, where Isaac found a stage hand and explained what he wanted. Then he went to get ready, more nervous that he could ever remember being.
"Ike, calm down," Taylor said, standing in front of him. Isaac almost didn't stop pacing in time so he didn't walk over him, and Taylor shoved him down onto the couch. "You're making ME nervous."
Isaac took a deep breath. "What if they don't like it? What if Zac doesn't..."
"Ike!" He didn't exactly yell, but it caught Isaac's attention and brought him up short. "What is it with you and what ifs? It's a good song. And with Zac's ego, as long as it's dedicated to him, he won't care what it sounds like."
Isaac turned to stare at him in surprise, caught the amusement in his eyes, and grinned. "Right, okay. I'm calm."
Taylor snorted in amusement, and picked up his book again. Isaac leaned back against the wall, closed his eyes, and began to softly hum the song he'd written. To his relief, he began to relax.
It seemed to Isaac that the screams that greeted them when the concert started were louder, shriller, and never more welcome. They plunged into the first song, and all thought of being nervous fled Isaac's head.
Until they finished "Weird". All of a sudden, he couldn't think. Fortunately, he didn't have to yet.
"Hey, Zac. You wanna come up here?" Taylor said as a stage hand slipped on the stage and set the stool where Isaac had asked him to.
"Do I have a choice?" Zac asked.
"Not really. I think they want to know you really are alive."
The screams cut through Isaac's trance, and he turned to watch Zac climb out from behind his drum set, only a little self conscious with his cane. He settled onto the stool and looked expectantly between his brothers.
Isaac took a deep breath. Keep it short! his thoughts screamed. "Exactly one year ago today, I was in an accident with Zac." Turning, he caught sight of the startled looks on Taylor and Zac's faces, and smothered a grin. They hadn't noticed. The crowd quieted marginally, but he no longer cared if they heard him. "The week following that was one of the worst of my life. But the next song came out of it." His fingers found the first chord and he nodded at Taylor, and they started. Everything else faded but Zac, staring at him with wide eyes, jaw dropped in disbelief.
The song ended on a mournful note, the keyboard dropping out earlier. Screams shattered his concentration and he stopped the note almost self consciously, ignoring the audience, watching Zac for anything, any reaction at all.
Moving slowly, seeming unconscious of the crowd, Zac got down, walked over to Isaac, and hugged him tightly. "Thank you," he whispered.
Isaac took a drink as he stopped speaking; Avery stared at him, rears running down her cheeks. "I think I remember that," she whispered into the silence.
"Taylor told me you'd said it was pretty," Isaac said. "You still weren't speaking to me."
"Do you still play it?" Diana asked.
Isaac laughed. "Zac asks for it about once a week."
"What can I say," Zac grinned. "Taylor was right. My ego enjoys hearing it."
Once the general laughter died away, Diana reached over and took Zac's hand. "So what's the news?" she asked.
"What?"
"You came over here for something," she said.
"And you tried to call me about something, too," Isaac asked.
"Oh, right!" Avery smiled as he became animated again; he was definitely happy! "Mom, Dr. Merris is going to give you a call."
"Kathy?" she asked, turning to look at Isaac.
"Don't look at me, Mom," he laughed. "I haven't talked to her in years. Believe me, I'm fine. Or believe her. She told me to stop bugging her."
"I don't know if it will be Dr. Kathy or Travis," Zac interrupted.
"What are they calling about?"
"Oh." He was positively giddy, Avery thought. He disappeared for a minute under the table, emerging with something in his hand. He tossed it towards his mother, who awkwardly caught it. She looked at the small velvet cover box, then at Zac again, eyes wide. "Trish said yes."
"Yes!" Isaac cheered, a huge grin on his face. "Congratulations!"
"She said yes..." Avery looked at him, then her eyes got wide. "You asked Trisha to marry you?" She turned to Isaac, grinning. "Boy are you behind now!"
"Isn't it great?" he grinned.
"When's the date?" Diana asked.
"About four months. July 24th." He glanced at Isaac with a smirk.
"Okay, okay. I promise not to be the one who drives you to the church, all right?" he responded, laughing.
"Ike. It's been nine years. I thought it was a fitting date. Besides, if you hadn't crashed, I never would have met Trish. So it's all your fault."
Isaac shook his head, grinning.
"Zac," their mother's voice was unsteady, and tears were in her eyes. "Did anyone tell you what was in the van you hit?"
"No, I don't think so." He looked at her, curious. Avery started to laugh, then Isaac joined her.
"Can I tell him?" she asked. "Please?" Diana nodded, and Avery turned to look at Zac, fighting to keep her voice steady so he could understand her.
"It was a wedding cake."
Eclipse