Writers Note: I get inspiration in the shower. Of all places, you know? When you cant grab a pen and write madly the scene in your head. But here is the second in the offering of shower thoughts (Forgive is the first). I guess the mention of Chris being single again brought it on. I didnt see it as being a messy thing, because as far as I know he isnt looking for a new President of the company. And besides, I was feeling really sappy when I wrote this.
He came in just as she was almost done packing, settling on the foot of their bed with an uncharacteristic quiet and watching her move. She turned around and started, but set the sweater in the suitcase. Next to it was a stack of folded shirts hed already recognized as his. "I hoped youd get home before I left," she said, pausing before turning back to the closet.
"Im sorry Im not the man you want me to be," he responded, his usual enthusiasm for life gone from his voice.
She paused at that and turned, dropping what shed had in her hands, and moved swiftly to stand in front of him. "You were what I needed, Chris," she said gently. "I wouldnt trade the last two years for anything."
Hed never told anyone shed been raped, that hed found her crying in her office three days after starting work for his clothing company. Hed offered her a sanctuary, and the fact that not even Justin, his closest confidant, knew anything about it simply made clear how much he loved her.
Their first six months had been completely sex free, something that had to be odd for him, but hed never complained. And nothing had happened in that bed room until she initiated it, and even then he was cautious and almost afraid to touch her. Hed been so gentle, and that had done wonders for her recovery, probably even more than talking to the psychiatrist had.
"Im sorry Im not what you need now," he said softly. "Im sorry that I couldnt change to fit."
Her hand touched his cheek, then she leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I know," she whispered, and turned back to pick up the sweater shed dropped.
"Thank you, for not...." He paused, at a loss for words, his mind going in a million directions at once and for once he wished he werent so scattered, so unfocused. "For not bringing it up time and time again."
She smiled, knowing he couldnt see her. Hed been pretty adamant about not being ready for a family, and she understood. He had two careers going, and he felt very strongly about family. He would have one when he wasnt distracted by something else. "I wouldnt do that," she told him, reaching for another sweater, only to realize it was his. "Besides, we pretty much agreed on that." But shed changed. She didnt know when, only that shed seen small children in the store once when they were presenting his clothing line, and the yearning had taken her breath away.
"I know." His voice was remarkably steady, and he wasnt sure why. Hed known she was leaving; that was why his luggage downstairs was well clear of the door, why hed insisted that he go home instead of going out with the others. It wasnt as if they hadnt talked about it. He could still remember the look in her eyes when shed looked from the small family to see him watching her. Shed blushed, but the look had been there. It had never quite gone away, but he couldnt just decide on something that, in spite of their rivals marriages and continued success, might ruin everyone elses careers and dreams.
Her eyes scanned the closet, oblivious of his thoughts, and she came to the conclusion that very likely, shed gotten everything. She folded the sweater she held and tucked it in, closing the suitcase gently. When she looked up, he was watching her with his dark eyes quiet, accepting, but sad. "Thank you," she told him. "You have done for me what no one else has."
He stood up and took the suitcase from her, following her down the stairs to her midnight blue Mustang parked out front. Theyd argued countless times over the color; she insisted it was blue, and he had argued that it was black. He shook the thought away. He set her suitcase in the passenger seat because the trunk and the back were full of boxes. He guessed this was the last load; there was no way all of it had fit in that car. "Good bye," he said, and pulled her into a hug that ended far too soon because it hurt so badly to see her go. It had never been a question of love. He hoped, oddly, that she wasnt hurting as bad as he was.
"Ill see you the next time youre at FuMan," she said with a smile, and kissed him one last time. He stood on the porch and watched her down the drive and until he could no longer see the car, then he turned and went inside. It didnt take him long to pick up the phone, but he hesitated in dialing, then finally punched in a number hed known for ever.
"Hello?"
He took a deep breath. "Lynn. Hi. Um... Do you know if Brit is home?"
There was a startled silence on the other end. "No, Im sure shes in Europe right now. Why?"
"I didnt want to disturb J if he was with her," he explained shortly.
"I just talked to him, and it sounded like he was home alone. Are you okay?"
"Oh, sure. I just... need to talk to him for a minute."
"Ill let you go, then," she said, and he hung up. Without a pause, he hit the first memory button, listening as the phone dialed faster than he could.
"Hey, J in da house, whatcho want?"
"Hey, Justin."
The silence at the other end was startled. "Chris?"
"Yeah. Um. You busy?"
"No, not really. Why?" Worried colored his younger friends words.
"I... I need to..." Words failed him. "Dani left," was what he finally decided on.
"Ill be right there." He didnt even say good bye before hanging up, and slowly, Chris returned the receiver to the cradle, completely unaware of the tears that tracked his face.
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