Obi-Wan couldn't stop shaking. He watched Qui-Gon Jinn walk away from the doors with an unidentifiable feeling. He had been helping Davie watch the front entrance, and had drawn back so he would not be seen as soon as he recognized the being walking down the path toward them. As soon as the Jedi turned the corner at the gates, he sagged against the wall behind him. That had been too close. He had no idea why Qui-Gon had turned around, who had been on the comm link, but Obi-Wan had been sure he was going to be found.
"Hey, Ben. You okay?"
He jerked his eyes back to Davie; he'd forgotten he was even there. He swallowed, hard, and nodded. "Yes. I'm fine."
"You're white as a ghost, man. You know him?"
Ghosts aren't white, he thought, and it struck him as funny. He couldn't stop the laugh that burst out of him.
"Ben?"
It took him a while to regain control. "What?"
"Did you know him?"
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yes."
"Who was he?"
Obi-Wan shook his head. "Someone I knew," he said vaguely. "I didn't expect him to find me, though."
"What made him leave?"
"Looked like he got a message or something." He closed his eyes and found his center again, reestablishing his equilibrium. When he opened them again, he grinned. "Good luck for me," he said, his mind already working, getting ready to leave, even if he had to sneak out of the Monastery. But he didn't think he'd have to.
Even as he considered where he'd go, he realized that there was no urgency in the Force. And to be honest, he wasn't sure he didn't want to be found. It was nice here, true, but it wasn't the Temple, and the thought only served to emphasize how homesick he really was. It wasn't just the Temple, either. He missed his friends, his Master, even the council.... He didn't know if they'd even let him back, but maybe there was a chance, maybe if he explained. He shook his head and turned his thoughts back to the objective at hand. The best time to leave was at duty rotation. That was in a week. If Master Jinn returned before then, he'd take it as a sign that he should go back to the Temple. Otherwise, he'd just go. Because there was also a chance they'd never let him speak.
He knew better than to go into his lesson with Merrick distracted. He'd gone to his lightsaber lesson like that once in the Temple and had paid for it with burns across his face. Qui-Gon had been apologetic - and disappointed. His disappointment had echoed down the bond between them. But he went, forgetting that lesson until he was suddenly flat on his back, his left ear ringing.
"You can't lose concentration like that," Merrick growled.
Obi-Wan took a deep breath, closed his eyes and centered again. It took a while to dismiss the worries and plans that had cluttered up his mind, but when he opened his eyes again, Merrick offered him a hand up. "What's wrong? You blocked that blow the first time I tried it on you, and now that you've had some training, it went right through your guard."
Obi-Wan took the proffered arm and got to his feet. "I'm leaving," he said simply. "At the end of the week."
Merrick paused, eyeing him. "Someone get too close?"
"They almost found me, yes," he said.
Merrick regarded him for a moment. "Don't take this wrong," he said slowly. "How much trouble are you in?"
Obi-Wan hesitated. "I was... apprenticed," he said carefully, knowing that Merrick would read more into that. He knew what Obi-Wan had been. "I was... coerced to injure someone very important." The words were hard to say. It was the first time he'd said what he'd done, out loud, even if it wasn't direct. The look of shock and betrayal that had flashed across Master Jinn's face.... He clenched his teeth and turned his attention to Merrick.
The Weapons master nodded slowly. "Important to whom?"
Obi-Wan didn't know how to answer that, so he shook his head. Merrick made a frustrated noise. "Are there legal implications?"
"No," Obi-Wan answered quickly. "It was completely internal."
Merrick nodded. "Why are you staying until the end of the week?"
"The one who came close," Obi-Wan said slowly, thinking on how to say what he wanted to, "was called away before he was able to get to the door. I..." He paused. "I don't feel that there is any urgency for me to go right now."
Merrick nodded slowly. "Thinking that it might not be so bad to go back?"
Obi-Wan shrugged slightly. "It crossed my mind. If m... If he returns before I leave, I will take it as a sign that I should return. Otherwise...." He spread his hands out. "I leave it up to fate."
Merrick thought for a minute, then nodded shortly. "Up to fate it is," he said. "Until then, concentrate." He punctuated his order with a strike with the staff. This time Obi-Wan blocked it with his own.
At the end of the lesson, Merrick stopped him from leaving. "I know you have to leave," he said with a grin that Obi-Wan did not quite trust. "What do you say to a last match? You with a blade against me with a staff? It would be interesting to see how it went."
The smile started slow on Obi-Wan's face. "Yes," he said. "The day before I leave? You would definitely get all the audience you could want."
Merrick laughed. "That's not why I wanted to do it," he said. "It would be a good test of how well I taught you."
Obi-Wan nodded. "I'll work hard, then," he said, and left. He walked quickly to the gardens, to the waterfall he'd found during his first few days and knelt next to it in meditation, wanting to know if this decision was right. When he went in for dinner, he still was not sure.
The morning before he planned to go, he started suddenly out of his meditation, shuddering. The darkness was creeping closer, somehow... It could not be Qui-Gon; there was no darkness around him. And yet, so soon after seeing his Master....
He started to simply go through his day, but by mid-morning, the Force was screaming at him to leave. He could no longer ignore it. Lurching to his feet, abandoning his work in the garden, he set off at a run for the Monastery.
Once by his bed, however, he paused to gather his thoughts, not entirely sure how to leave. His bag was already packed, except for some things he quickly added. Then, not willing to leave without saying good bye to Merrick, he made his way to the weapons Saale.
Merrick caught sight of him and beckoned him in, then his eyebrow lifted as he took in the bag Obi-Wan wore on his shoulder. "You're leaving now."
"I am," Obi-Wan said, and glanced nervously around. Even this was taking too long; the Force wanted him gone. "I... I can't explain. Thank you, for your friendship and training." He grimaced. "I would have enjoyed the match this afternoon. And I will come back for it," he added almost impulsively, but the Force echoed his sincerity, and he knew he would. "I'm sorry," he added, and winced at how lame it sounded.
"Whatever you're running from, it's caught up with you," Merrick said. "I can see it in your eyes. Go. If you need help, I'll be here."
Obi-Wan nodded, relieved. "Thank you, again, for everything."
"Thank you," Merrick said. "It has been a pleasure working with you. Don't forget this." He tossed a small object at Obi-Wan, who caught it.
It was heavy, a dull silver object about the length of his lightsaber, although thicker. The ends were the circumference of the staff he'd been using, but from the end to the base were five closely packed layers. A button was in the center of the base, recessed, with a guard to keep it from being pressed on accident. He knew, from what Merrick had told him, that the handle was insulated against hot or cold. Obi-Wan glanced at Merrick, then held the object away from him, parallel to the floor, and pressed the button.
The staff extended in a snap, taller than he, balanced perfectly in his hand. Obi-Wan stared at it, then turned his gaze to Merrick, his thumb fumbling for the button again, getting messed up on the guard in his shock. It finally collapsed back into the size he could wear on his belt. "I can't take this," he stuttered.
"Yes, you can. I get to choose who gets them, and we've got plenty right now. You'll use it right, Ben. Take it."
"But I can't..."
"Then consider it a loan, and return it when you come back for our battle."
Obi-Wan opened his mouth to protest, then Merrick's words sank in and he nodded. "Thank you."
"They'll think you got scared of the match this afternoon."
"You and I will both know better," Obi-Wan said quietly. "That is all that matters." The staff went onto his belt so easily, naturally, and the weight made him feel much better already. "Thank you again."
At Merrick's nod, he turned and left the Saale, went to get street clothes - not his, he'd long out grown them - and the promised credits for the bus ride once he reached the edge of town, and then he left the Monastery. The walk into town was quiet, but he still felt on edge, still felt like he was being hunted by the darkness. When he caught the bus at the end of the line, he sank down into a seat in the back, studiously ignoring everyone and everything. He wrapped his Force sensitivity even closer about him than he did his cloak, and remained that way even after he'd gotten work on a ship and was away from the planet.
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