The sunlight was in the trees outside his window when Obi-Wan woke. It was luxurious, to be able to sleep, to not have to worry about someone bursting in - at least, not yet.
A knock on his door made him jump, and he stared at it, terror filling him. "Obi-Wan?"
"Yes?" his voice cracked.
The door opened and Qui-Gon stood there, a concerned look on his face. "Are you okay?"
Obi-Wan cleared his throat and sat up. "I'm fine," he said.
Qui-Gon looked at him evenly, and he dropped his eyes, his shields as strong as he could make them. Please don't come in, his thoughts chanted. Let me feel safe somewhere. "Would you prefer that I not enter your room?" the Knight asked softly.
Obi-Wan threw his head up in surprise, and opened his mouth to answer ‘its up to you,' only to be betrayed by his own tongue. "Yes."
The Jedi nodded once, sharply. "Very well. Breakfast is ready. Will you need help?"
Obi-Wan swallowed past the lump in his throat. Pushing the blanket aside, he got to his feet. "No, I don't think so."
"Go slowly," Qui-Gon cautioned him, and left the doorway.
So he did, using the walls to help him keep his balance. When he reached the kitchen, Qui-Gon was just putting breakfast on the table.
It was quiet again this meal; Obi-Wan didn't feel like talking, although he did feel much better. It was amazing, how much good enough sleep could do.
After breakfast, he went back to working on his lightsaber - and it was really his - using the meditations Qui-Gon had given him to ease the frustration he felt on occasion when he had a hard time fitting in some of the components. The thought distracted him, and he glanced at the Jedi. He was working on his own lightsaber, cleaning it, his large hands more gentle than Obi-Wan would have guessed would be possible. His Masters had been smaller than Qui-Gon, and yet this Jedi had been less violent than any of the three. He looked up before Obi-Wan could look down, and smiled slightly.
"I spoke with the Council last night," Qui-Gon said without preamble. "I will do so every night, as long as Yoda requires it."
Obi-Wan stared at him, his feelings roiling. Why? And why tell him now? It was such a weird thing to say, and Qui-Gon certainly had no reason to tell him.
"I'm telling you this for two reasons. One, I want you to know you can trust me. There is no reason you should not know of this, and I simply did not think that you might want to know. I'm sorry about that. You are welcome to be present to my reports, if you wish. The second reason is that if I didn't tell you, I would be unable to relay greetings from your friends Bant and Garen."
Obi-Wan froze, unable to respond for the moment. He didn't know how to respond. "Thank you," he finally stuttered. "Are they well?"
"Yes, I believe so," Qui-Gon said, and went back to what he was doing.
After a moment, Obi-Wan went back to his own work, still confused. Trust had been an issue with Masters Sorin, Denk and Toman, but they'd all demanded it of him. This was very strange. Considering Master Toman's reaction to him spending even his own free time with Bant and Garen, he knew that his former Master would not have passed on their greetings. He pushed his thoughts of all his former Masters from his head and focused on the task at hand. It was much more pleasant.
The day ran much as it had the day before; after lunch they spent time meditating. Already, Obi-Wan felt a difference in his contact with the Force, and by late afternoon, he was closer to peace than he had been for nearly two years.
"How is your knee?"
Obi-Wan looked up. "Better," he said softly. It was still so strange, but there was no guarantee that this situation wouldn't turn out like the others. It had taken Master Toman almost two weeks before he had invaded his Padawan's mind.
"I thought we could work on how to keep people out of your head," Qui-Gon said, and Obi-Wan started, staring at the other man. How did he.... Almost in a panic, Obi-Wan searched his own mind, trying to find evidence that Qui-Gon had invaded his thoughts. That was the third time today it had seemed as if the Master had read his mind. At least he'd been able to tell when his Masters were in his mind, even if he couldn't get them to leave. What if he couldn't tell with Qui-Gon?
The familiar panic overtook everything, and he was scrambling away before he knew it. He couldn't get very far - was that why Master Toman had injured his knee? - but it was all the struggle he knew. It must have surprised the Jedi because he didn't move until Obi-Wan came to a stop, pressed against the side of the house.
"What's wrong?"
He couldn't catch his breath, panic filling his mind, breaths coming in short gasps. Qui-Gon didn't move, but proximity wasn't necessary. Master Denk had proven that.
"Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon's voice seemed to come from a long distance. "I will not hurt you."
Oh, sure, Obi-Wan thought, pressed against the wall. That's what they all said. Then it was - you're too slow - or - I'm your Master, I know what's best - or - That's basic, why don't you know that? - and there was nothing I could do, I'm just a kid.
"Obi-Wan."
He flinched, surprised to see Qui-Gon was much closer, and tried to get to his feet. Before he got far, Qui-Gon was there, helping him to stand, and Obi-Wan cringed, sure it would come now. How could the Master resist invading his mind?
"I will not hurt you."
Master Denk would have put hurt and disappointment in the repeated words, whatever it took to coerce his trust. Qui-Gon had stated it simply, firmly. There was no manipulation, so far.
"Theela suggested I help you strengthen your shields," Qui-Gon said after a moment of silence. "She suggested it be specifically to protect against people who knew you, who had been in your mind. Does that sound like a good idea to you?"
The Jedi was still holding him up. Obi-Wan began to calm down, pulling in the bigger man's patience to try to ease the hysteria that filled him. Finally, he nodded. "Yes, sir," he said softly, almost hopelessly. What else was he going to say? Especially with Qui-Gon standing right there. No, proximity wasn't necessary, but the closer he was, the more it would hurt.
"Did you hurt yourself?"
"No." It was an automatic response. He couldn't be sure. Everything was so messed up. "I don't know," he admitted reluctantly. He was still unable to focus. The panic was receding slowly, but it was going.
"Then do not walk until you do know."
He said it kindly and stepped away from Obi-Wan, who wrapped his arms around himself and began to control the panic. "Control it, you must," Yoda had said when he was younger. "Recognize it you must, and let it go." Finally, enough of it drained away, and he took stock of his body.
"No," Obi-Wan finally said. "I didn't hurt anything."
"Good. Are you ready to call it a day?"
Ready and past ready. But he only nodded and gratefully accepted Qui-Gon's help inside.
Dinner was quiet. Obi-Wan wasn't as hungry as he usually was, and excused himself early. "Do you wish to be there when I speak to the Council?" Qui-Gon asked.
Obi-Wan paused in the doorway, on the way out of the kitchen. "Not tonight," he said softly and kept going.
He woke the next morning and went into the main room to curl up on the luxurious rug. The sunlight spilled across it and almost unwillingly, he dozed off, relaxed from the warmth the rug held.
"Obi-Wan?"
He woke slowly, blinking in the sunlight. "Huh?"
"Breakfast is ready."
"Oh. All right." He got to his feet and followed the Jedi Master into the kitchen. Breakfast was silent and quick, and once finished, the table was cleared. Obi-Wan settled willingly into creating his lightsaber again.
He was nearly finished when Qui-Gon sat down at the table. "How's your knee?"
Obi-Wan looked up, startled. "It's much better today," he admitted.
"Good." The Knight paused. "Have you given any thought to what I suggested yesterday?"
It surprised Obi-Wan. "I said yes." He set his lightsaber down. The next part was going to need all his concentration. He didn't know exactly what he was going to do; he hadn't had time to read this man to know what it was he wanted to hear. It was considerably harder without the training bond.
"That it sounded like a good idea." Qui-Gon took a deep breath. "I was... unsure to what your agreement referred," he said. "Your panic was obvious, even without the Force. I thought, perhaps, you agreed in order to get me to leave you alone."
Obi-Wan stared at him, startled, and dropped his eyes again. Somehow, without him knowing it, the Jedi was able to get into his mind. "No. I agreed to do the exercises."
"Why did you agree to them?"
Why was he making this so hard? The Jedi Master's kind gaze gave him no clues when he met it, and Obi-Wan quickly dropped his eyes to the table again. "You said Theela, the Healer, thought it would be a good idea to work on my shields." He hadn't had to do this much guesswork for a while, and he was out of practice. He surprised himself by wishing for a training bond so he didn't have to do as much guesswork. He'd gotten really good at knowing what his Master had wanted him to say, even at the other man's most guarded moments.
"Yes," Qui-Gon said neutrally.
Obi-Wan stared at him a moment longer. Still no clue, and he decided he couldn't take it any more. No more lies. If he got punished for it, then so be it. "I decided it would be good because you seemed to want it."
Qui-Gon nodded, but without the satisfaction Master Toman would have shown that made him tense up and want to run. "I do. You are far too vulnerable, from what Theela tells me. But what I want is irrelevant, Obi-Wan. This is about you, what you want."
Obi-Wan stared at him, feeling suddenly out of his depth. He hadn't expected that, not at all. None of his other Masters had ever said anything like that, so he had no idea how to react. All he could do was stare at Qui-Gon, quite disarmed.
"I don't want to start anything before you feel ready," the Jedi assured him. "Only you know when that will be."
Obi-Wan thought for a minute, his eyes on the nearly completed lightsaber before him. The thought of touching minds with someone made him flinch. "No. Not yet."
"Tell me when you're ready," Qui-Gon said gently. "How close are you to being finished with that?"
"Needs only a crystal," he said warily.
"Ah. Good." He got up and left the kitchen. Obi-Wan stared after him, completely confused.
The Master returned minutes later with something in his hand, and gently poured out a pouch in front of Obi-Wan. Five crystals caught the sunlight. "You said you wanted to have fresh components," he said. "I didn't know if you meant the crystal as well."
Obi-Wan reached out and took one of the sapphires, weighing it in his hand. It had caught his eye, but to be honest, he had no idea what it was that made a good lightsaber crystal. Every other crystal had been chosen for him, as he'd been apprenticed early enough that Sorin had overseen the making of his first lightsaber. He set the crystal down, picking up each of the stones in turn before deciding on the first one. Carefully, he slipped it into place, and just as carefully thumbed the lightsaber to life. He was vaguely aware of Qui-Gon's gaze as he made a few minor adjustments, and then a smile spread across his face. The hilt fit into his hand, balanced perfectly, the blade made it come alive. It was his. Reluctantly, he shut it down.
"Very good," Qui-Gon said gently, and there was a smile in his voice.
Obi-Wan stared at him, but then flushed and dropped his eyes. The strange feeling that filled him took a while to figure out. Pleasure. The praise had felt real, unaffected. And he refused to let himself doubt it.
Go on to Next Chapter | Problem Child
Home | Stories | Fun Stuff | Links | Contact me