"I Can't Pretend that I Don't Need You"
Plus One, Going Crazy

"He's progressing slowly but steadily," Qui-Gon reported. "I had hoped to move faster, but that will not be possible."

"Pleased, you are," Yoda said.

"Yes," Qui-Gon readily admitted. "He is a bright boy." He didn't add his next thought, that he'd make someone a good Padawan, although his mind avoided any thoughts of making the boy his. He still was not convinced the total fault lay on Obi-Wan.

The boy had managed to control the fear of healers he still obviously felt when Theela had arrived late that afternoon, her small craft landing on the lawn between the cabin and the lake behind it. That was possibly because he'd been warned she was coming, and Qui-Gon had told him that if he did not let her look at him, he would not be able to begin working with his new lightsaber. The Healer hadn't stayed long, as she had other patients to attend to, but she had stayed long enough after checking up on his student to lay in the sun and give her skin a bronze tint (the Hjem tanned incredibly fast). Obi-Wan had been wary of him ever since she'd gone again, and Qui-Gon knew he could not use that again unless it was the real reason. Not that he would, but it had been interesting to note that the boy was so aware of things that could be used against him. Perhaps that explained the protective feelings about the bracelet.

"More is there?" Yoda asked politely.

"He is not ready for any mental contact yet," Qui-Gon went on. "I was fairly certain that would take the longest, and so it is proving. It may help if there was a student here he could work with instead of me. Someone he trusts."

"Trust you he does not?" Yoda asked. He almost sounded surprised.

"Not completely," Qui-Gon said, "and only in some things. In this... I don't know if he ever will, without help."

The Council was quiet. "Do you have someone in mind?" Mace asked.

"He has a friend, Bant, who would do well. Or Garen, I believe Obi-Wan said his name was."

"Garen is no longer at the temple," Mace said slowly, "but Bant can be spared."

"Need her soon, do you?"

"No," Qui-Gon said. "It is not yet urgent."

"Inform you we will, when come she can," Yoda said.

Qui-Gon bowed. "Thank you, Master." He signed off and smiled slightly to himself. If this kept up, he might be able to convince them yet.

"Did I hear you mention Bant and Garen?" Obi-Wan hovered in the doorway, only his head, right shoulder and arm visible. His fingers gripped the door jamb, the knuckles almost white.

Qui-Gon nodded, wondering at the boy's protective posture. "Yes. I had an idea that might help you out, and would give you the added benefit of not feeling quite so isolated."

Obi-Wan looked confused, his brows drawn together. "What?"

"When Bant is able, she will join you here for a while," Qui-Gon explained.

"And Garen?"

"Garen is not at the temple," Qui-Gon said. "Mace did not say why." Of course, there were only two possible choices for why Garen was absent.

From all outward appearances, Obi-Wan seemed done with his questions. He nodded and turned to go, but Qui-Gon knew he wanted to know more. His curiosity and worry echoed in the Force. "Obi-Wan," he called, and the boy turned back, standing completely in the doorway this time. "Is there something else?"

The trust was fragile, at best. The last two weeks, Obi-Wan had settled a little and seemed to be getting a grip on his panic. Qui-Gon hoped that his threat this morning had not injured that trust in any way. "Why are you bringing Bant here?" he asked.

Qui-Gon took a deep breath. "Because you trust her. She is familiar and a friend and you know she will not hurt you," he said gently. "You don't trust me."

The boy stared at him, eyes wide in dismay.

"That is fine," Qui-Gon continued when it became clear that Obi-Wan would not say anything. "But I cannot help you without trust, so I am bringing in a mediator."

"But why?"

There was more to the question than the words. "You will be a great Jedi one day," Qui-Gon said, "but only after you recover from this. Is the idea of sharing thoughts with Bant as painful as the one of sharing thoughts with me?"

Obi-Wan gave him a startled look, and then he almost visibly relaxed. "No," he said, almost surprised. "It's not."

"I thought it might not be," Qui-Gon said briskly, and Obi-Wan flushed, tensing up again. "I will let you know when she will be arriving."

The boy hesitated for a long while. "I'm sorry," he finally blurted.

"For what?"

"That I can't..." His voice faded.

"That you cannot trust me? Your trust has been violated, Obi-Wan, and it may take a long time before you feel you can trust anyone, especially someone you see as a Master or possible Master."

The bolt of panic passed through him quickly now, and he nodded. "Thank you. For bringing my friend and for understanding."

"You're welcome."

Obi-Wan vanished from the doorway, and seconds later, Qui-Gon heard his lightsaber activate. It made the Jedi Knight smile, and his smile widened at the pleasure that came from the boy through the Force. Good. He was not so lost (if lost at all) that his lightsaber did not please him.

The trust issue was only one of the things that bothered Qui-Gon. There was the boy's fear of the Healers, and after the flash of pain when he'd touched the boy's braid, he'd left it alone. It had not been the nervousness or fear he'd associated with the possible loss of a Padawan braid, either. He was old enough to have been through an actual casting-out ceremony, and none of those feelings were in Obi-Wan. He had no idea if he was even getting close to the answers.

The next week flew by. They began to slowly work with the lightsabers, and Obi-Wan's obvious enjoyment of the exercises made Qui-Gon smile. There was no doubt, either, that he was a fast learner. He was occasionally hesitant, but that usually led to a stop because of his still-healing knee. They would stop for about an hour to meditate on healing, and then he would be ready to go again.

It was the end of the week when Bant arrived. Qui-Gon met the transport when it landed on the back lawn and greeted the nervous girl with a smile. He led her around to where Obi-Wan was meditating on the front lawn. He did not look up until Qui-Gon touched his shoulder. Even then, it pleased him to see that the boy took a while to come out of his trance. It was nice to find someone who took meditation seriously. "Your friend is here," he said gently, gesturing to where Bant stood, travel bag in hand, and Obi-Wan blinked at him. "Show her around while I start lunch."

"Yes, sir," Obi-Wan said, and got to his feet. The two friends hugged, and Qui-Gon went into the cabin, listening to them catch up on lost news.

Lunch was loud. Qui-Gon sat back, watching and listening to their conversation. There was animation in Obi-Wan's gestures that he had not seen before, and the boy was not so conscious of how much he ate. Qui-Gon sent them off for a short swim in the lake behind the cabin, and readied himself for teaching two students.

The afternoon was strange at first, but Qui-Gon adapted well to teaching two students of differing skills. He also discovered that letting them teach each other was something worth working on.

The two were still talking in the common room when Qui-Gon left to make his report. He'd finished that and had signed off when panic shot through the Force. He ran into the room to find Obi-Wan curled in a ball on the white rug, Bant next to him, trying to get him to sit up.

"What happened?" Qui-Gon asked.

She straightened, startled, and didn't try to hide the tears that had begun to track her cheeks. "I just told him why Garen wasn't at the Temple," she said.

"Which is?" Qui-Gon prompted gently when she didn't continue.

"He was chosen," she explained. "He is on a mission with his Master."

"Ah." He understood the panic, but it raised more questions. Why would he be frightened for his friend? He knelt down and touched Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Obi-Wan," he said gently.

The boy stirred and sat up, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He was calmer, the panic draining away, but his eyes were wide when he looked at them.

"Are you okay?"

He nodded jerkily, his breathing settling. Qui-Gon stood and backed away, watching as he slowly uncurled, stretching his legs out.

"Did you hurt yourself?" Qui-Gon asked gently.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "Yes," he said in a small voice. He was embarrassed, Qui-Gon could tell, so he said no more and went to get the cold pack. The rest of the night passed with no more incidents.

The next morning, however, was not so smooth. He assigned them to work together on an exercise, and left them alone. When he returned later, the two sat close together, eyes closed, the Force flowing between them. Tears had left tracks on Obi-Wan's face, but he seemed at peace, now. Qui-Gon did not venture closer, unwilling to disturb them.

He hadn't been there long when Obi-Wan flinched, and they both opened their eyes, the trance broken. "I'm sorry, Bant," Obi-Wan said, and rubbed his head.

"It's okay," Bant said gently.

"Is something wrong?" Qui-Gon asked, moving closer.

Obi-Wan sighed. "Me," he said. Qui-Gon lifted an eyebrow. "I can't... it... even contact with Bant hurts," he finally said.

"Hm," Qui-Gon said. "That I had not expected." He watched them for a minute, then nodded. "Meditate for now. I will contact Theela and see if she can help."

He walked into the house berating himself. He'd focused too much on healing the boy's knee, and had forgotten completely what Theela had said about his mind. Shaking his head to rid himself of the negative feelings - they had no place here - he put in a call to the temple.

"He has attempted contact with you?" the Healer asked.

"No. A fellow student."

"Good. I will transmit some things that can be done," she said. "If he is willing to do them, he will do well."

When Qui-Gon returned to his students, they both sat quietly on the lawn but looked up as he approached. "It is not as bleak as it may seem," he told Obi-Wan, "but it will take some work."

The determination that tightened Obi-Wan's jaw wasn't much of a surprise anymore. He began working on the exercises Theela had sent with the same single mindedness he'd attacked everything Qui-Gon had given him, while the Knight worked with Bant. Toman had said the boy was unteachable, Qui-Gon remembered, and his brow furrowed. He was going to have to do more research. He wanted to know if any of the other accusations by Obi-Wan's former Masters were false.

That evening, when he reported to the council, he requested any information on Obi-Wan's first two Masters, including the records of why he'd been repudiated.

"Curious this request is," Yoda said. "Reason have you?"

Qui-Gon hesitated. "Toman said Obi-Wan was unteachable," he said slowly. "I have found the opposite to be true. He is eager to learn. I would like to know what else was said about him."

There was silence, and then Mace nodded. "Very well, we will transmit the information."

"Good to hear it is, that better Obi-Wan does," Yoda added.

The Council signed off, and Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed. Getting the official report wasn't going to be enough. Eventually, Obi-Wan would have to give his side.

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