Obi-Wan woke late. He knew it because the sun outside his window was on the grass of the yard where he could see it down by the edge of the forest. He moved slowly, reluctant to get out of bed. He was more nervous about facing Master Yoda this morning than he had been the day before. Of course, yesterday he'd nearly attacked the small Master. At least he had slept well last night. Maybe that would make a difference.
But when he emerged from his room, there was no sign of the small Jedi Master. Qui-Gon knelt on the edge of the rug in the common room and the calm Obi-Wan felt from him eased his nerves a little. Still hesitant, he joined his teacher in meditation, calming down.
"Yoda believes he knows how to help you," Qui-Gon said after a while. The sun had warmed Obi-Wan, and he welcomed it.
"How?"
"Your Masters, we believe, placed little bombs in your mind, like the one that went off yesterday. Yoda was prepared for it, but someone else might not be. He thinks it will be best if we set them off now, while we're prepared and are expecting them."
"What are they?" Obi-Wan asked softly.
Qui-Gon paused, and Obi-Wan could feel him reaching out for answers. "I'm not sure," he said softly. "But Yoda said it was as if... bombs, for lack of a better word, had been placed in your mind, and when a specific event happens, it triggers the rather negative feelings that were placed in that bomb."
Obi-Wan's brow furrowed. "They... put bombs in my mind?" he asked.
"That was the best way to describe it," Qui-Gon said neutrally.
Obi-Wan thought it over. "You think it would be best to set them off now?" He wasn't sure how he felt about it, but then Qui-Gon was right. Master Yoda had been prepared, and if someone else wasn't, it could do someone serious damage. What that damage might be, he didn't know. Except he had attacked Qui-Gon. Maybe it had something to do with that.
Qui-Gon shifted, turning to face him. "It may be painful."
Obi-Wan looked up and met his eyes. "Will I have control again?" he asked.
"Of your mind? Yes."
It made him tremble a little. "When do we start?"
"Right after breakfast."
Obi-Wan swallowed and wondered if the Master could tell how frightened he was. "What do we do?"
"First, breakfast," Qui-Gon said, getting to his feet and extending a hand to help Obi-Wan up. "Then we start where you are most afraid."
Qui-Gon made him finish at least two bowls of the oatmeal. He was so nervous that his stomach was twisting, but he managed to get it all down. Then they settled back on the rug in the sunlight.
"What do I do?" Obi-Wan asked. His hands twisted in his lap. Qui-Gon's statement before breakfast had made him nervous, and that feeling had only grown as he tried to eat.
"Become my Padawan."
Obi-Wan stared. That was certainly the last thing he'd expected. After a long minute, he nodded, wondering what would happen this time. Just working with the Force with Master Yoda yesterday had set off a storm of negative feelings, and he'd nearly attacked Master Yoda the way he'd attacked Qui-Gon. Who knew what this would bring? He had a feeling it wouldn't be good.
The training bond snapped into place, and Obi-Wan froze. He was just beginning to relax when he felt something strange happening, and before long, he felt like every nerve was on fire. Qui-Gon's hand on his shoulder only made it worse there, and he flinched away.
"Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon's voice sounded in his ears, in his head. "You can stop it."
He became aware that his breaths were short, his heart pounding, and he closed his eyes. Trembling, he focused, drew the Force around him, and accepted the pain. It flared and he nearly screamed, but then something snapped in his mind and the pain was gone.
Well, not completely. His skin tingled and he had a headache that, when he opened his eyes, made him groan and close them again.
"Was that it?" Qui-Gon asked softly. There was a note in his voice that made Obi-Wan believe he was in pain, too.
"I think so." Even speaking hurt. He was glad Qui-Gon didn't ask how he knew. He didn't think he could have explained it.
"I'm glad. Bed?"
"Oh, yeah." He could not articulate more, no matter how disrespectful it might be.
"Can you get up?"
Movement caused more pain. He slit his eyes open and started to rise, only to lose his balance and fall against Qui-Gon. ‘Master,' the thought came, unbidden, but without the insistence that had accompanied those thoughts with his first three Masters. It was a little unnerving, and he would have moved away from the larger man, only he couldn't. It simply hurt too bad.
"Only until this pain passes," Qui-Gon said gently, helping him to his feet. Obi-Wan swayed dangerously and gripped his head with a moan.
"My head feels like it's going to burst," he muttered.
"I think you got it worse than I," Qui-Gon said, and gently prodded Obi-Wan forward. He moved stiffly, painfully, but he did move and eventually collapsed onto his sleep couch. He was asleep in an instant.
When he woke, the pain had reverted to a dull ache in his right temple. He got up stiffly and made his way into the front room. It was strange to have this bond, and to actually be able to find his Master - even if a temporary one - through it. Then he remembered Qui-Gon's response to his unconscious thought, and wondered what it would be like to have a Master like Qui-Gon Jinn. He dismissed the thought immediately. He didn't know if he wanted another Master. Ever.
Qui-Gon was already in the common room, kneeling on the rug. Actually, for all Obi-Wan knew, the Master had never left. He'd fallen asleep so deeply he was certain a herd of bantha could have run past outside and he wouldn't have heard them, never mind the movements of one human. The Knight looked up when Obi-Wan stepped into the room. "How are you feeling?"
"Worked over," Obi-Wan told him almost ruefully.
"I bet you do." Qui-Gon motioned for Obi-Wan to join him and he did, looking up at the Jedi in curiosity. "I have been thinking." Qui-Gon said after a moment of silence. "Breaking this bond may do something as well, I don't know. So be prepared."
Obi-Wan felt the training bond go. To his surprise, the sensation was strange, very different from the last three times it had happened, and for the first time he was sorry to feel it go. Master Denk had actually....
Guilt and despair filled into his mind so quickly he couldn't catch his breath. The feelings were familiar, and he suddenly realized why he'd felt so down each time he'd been repudiated. None of those feelings had been his, all the guilt and despair he'd felt every time. Anger filled him, warring with the guilt, and he let it go, replacing it with determination. He became aware that he was muttering under his breath "I did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong." The words were almost a mantra. He flinched as pain sharpened in his temple, but something in his mind had snapped. He let his breath go with a gasp. "That's another one," he said with considerable satisfaction.
"Good. Hungry?"
It came out without a thought. "Starving. Dumb question."
Qui-Gon lifted an eyebrow, and Obi-Wan flushed. "Sorry." His muscles tightened in reflex, waiting for the blow that was sure to fall. He'd said something like that after two weeks with Master Sorin, and the punishment had been severe. The blows had been less painful than the rest of his punishment. He didn't remember much more than pain he hadn't been able to control.
"I thought so," Qui-Gon said. "Come on." He got to his feet and went to the kitchen.
Obi-Wan stood and trailed after him, still tense, still nervous, wondering what would happen to him now. He found himself helping with lunch, woodenly doing the random tasks he was given.
"Yoda said you used to do that a lot," Qui-Gon said after they'd sat down. Obi-Wan flinched in reflex and then looked at him, eyes wide.
"Do what?"
Qui-Gon hesitated, a smile twitching his lips. "He called it expressing your individuality."
Obi-Wan ducked his head, and Qui-Gon chuckled. "It's not bad, Obi-Wan. It's what makes each Jedi special."
Obi-Wan bit his lip. If that's the truth, he thought, then why did my Masters try to beat it out of me?
"I believe there are at least two more bombs," Qui-Gon said, getting back to the business at hand. Obi-Wan was actually glad of the proof that the Knight was not in his mind this time - if he ever had been. He was beginning to think that Qui-Gon had never been in his mind, and like his room, would not enter unless asked. The coincidences that one day had been just that. "There may be more than that, but these two we can get rid of now."
Obi-Wan nodded and looked up. "What do I do?"
Qui-Gon smiled, a real smile with pride in it. "Now I become your Padawan."
He stared at the Master in surprise. "How do you do that?" he blurted.
"You are to establish the training bond with me," Qui-Gon explained, and at Obi-Wan's nod, explained carefully what to do.
His initial attempt failed.
"Stronger," Qui-Gon said. "You are too tentative."
"I don't want to hurt you," Obi-Wan offered, too aware of what that was like.
"I know. Don't worry. You'll do fine." He paused a minute. "Let's go back to the common room," he said, standing up. "It might help you concentrate a little."
It was some time later before he felt the training bond snap into place, but distantly. The connection was almost the same, although somewhat clearer than when he was the Padawan.
Pain sliced through his head. He noticed Qui-Gon stiffen, and the pain the older man was feeling reflected back to him through the bond. Accepting the pain - both sets - was hard. There was a small snap in his head as the pain stopped coming through from Qui-Gon, then a larger, louder snap, also in his mind, and the pain dimmed. His head pounded, but he didn't know if this headache was worse than the last one or not.
"Are you okay?" he managed to say, but the words echoed in his head and made it hurt worse.
"Yes. Are you?"
Obi-Wan gave a chuckle that sounded almost like a sob. "They must have really hated me."
Qui-Gon's hand brushed his head. "Why don't you get some sleep?"
"Only if you do." He didn't even try to get up this time. He toppled gracelessly onto his side on the rug, hearing Qui-Gon's soft laugh.
"I don't think you'll notice...." was the last he heard.
He felt worse, if that were possible, when he woke up. It took a minute to realize half of that less-than-chipper feeling wasn't his. He got to his feet and stumbled to the kitchen, pausing at the door to lean on the edge of it. Only then did he realize that he'd used the bond between them to find the older man, and he wondered what it would be like to have that kind of an open bond with anyone.
Qui-Gon looked up from the table. "You look better," he said.
"Did you sleep?" It felt weird, being the one in charge, even if it was only in his head.
"A little. A lot of things have been bothering me."
Obi-Wan made a move to step out of the doorway, only to freeze when the room swam. "We might have done too much," he said. "What do you think?"
Qui-Gon pushed himself from the table and stood with some effort. "I agree with you," he said. Obi-Wan was faintly jealous that the Knight's steps were steady as he walked across the room toward him. "Can you make it back to your room?"
Obi-Wan hesitated. "I don't know," he admitted.
Qui-Gon gave him a weary smile as he reached out to brace himself against the door jamb Obi-Wan was leaning against. "I know the feeling."
"This is very weird," Obi-Wan blurted, looking up at him, oddly pleased that Qui-Gon was as affected as he. "I can't... I don't know which is you and which is me."
"It gets easier," Qui-Gon told him. "Do you want to end it?"
"Yes. But I'm so tired I might... do something wrong...." He trailed off as Qui-Gon shook his head, gently, with a grimace of pain.
"I'll help. It's strange for me, too."
It took a much shorter time to disengage the training bond. There was a soft snap, like the others, then a thunderous one. Obi-Wan managed a startled look in Qui-Gon's direction before everything went black.
Go on to Next Chapter | Problem Child
Home | Stories | Fun Stuff | Links | Contact me