The concert that night was postponed; no member of the group seemed too upset about it. The doctor then said that Jonathan should not be allowed to perform at all for the next week. He groaned in disappointment, but agreed. Whatever it took to get back to the everyday of tour life. Jordan had recovered sufficiently, because he had to, but something had changed. He was more solemn, and Jon hoped he'd pull out of it. Jon went temporarily insane after the third night with nothing to do. Jordan seemed okay for the next week, but a phone call from his mother changed that.
"Jordan, I got a phone call from Mrs. Hannon. What happened?"
"We found out the whole story behind Jonathan's addiction," Jordan said softly. "Chris was trying to get back at me for something he thought I did."
"What was it?"
"He thought.... He thought I was responsible for Theresa's death." It still hurt.
"She blames you for everything that has happened to her family. She is the only one not in jail."
"Her husband shot me, ..." Jordan paused. "They all thought that I got Theresa pregnant. I don't know what she thought. I don't know who was the father."
"You ought to be careful, Jordan. I wouldn't be surprised if she did something else."
Jordan sighed. "Why can't they leave me alone? I didn't do anything!" He sounded very upset.
"I know, Jordan. Please, just be careful."
"I will, Mom. I will."
Jordan's mood dropped and didn't go back up. He stared moodily out the bus window as they traveled, then he'd watch Jon, quietly, for a while, then go back to the window. The constant surveillance nearly drove Jon crazy. Finally, he decided Jordan had moped enough and went looking for him to figure out what was wrong.
"Jordan, what's with you?" he asked, closing the door behind him. Jordan didn't turn from the window looking out over the mountains.
"What are they going to do to Chris?" he asked.
"I don't know, for sure," Jon said after a startled pause. "Even if we don't press charges, there's two charges of attempted murder, and then the month I was on the drug."
"What do you mean, 'even if we don't press charges'?" Jordan asked. "Are you pressing charges?"
"If I'm not, Maurice is. If JJ had been even five seconds slower, I would have died." He paused. "You seem awfully concerned. Why?"
"Well..." Jordan turned to face him, looking like he didn't want to say anything, then sighed. "It's not his fault," he mumbled.
"Oh?" Jon asked, his voice soft and deadly. He thought he knew what Jordan would say next.
"No. It's mine."
He was right. "What do you mean, it's your fault!?" Jon demanded. He was furious now, both at himself for letting this go on so long, and at Jordan, for even thinking it. He tried to control the anger as he'd done since he'd returned, not wanting another fight like the last one. He had a hard time doing it, but so far he'd been successful. He had the feeling he was about to fail for the first time.
"Because he thought... I..." He paused, dark eyes fixed on his hands twisted in front of him, then took a deep breath. "He did everything because he thought I caused Theresa's death."
"So?" Jon asked. His hazel eyes sparked, and he felt like smashing something. Jordan looked up hesitantly.
"Don't you see?"
"No, I don't!" Jordan's head ducked down. "What I see is you blaming yourself for something you couldn't control. It's stupid!"
"You lost a lot of your life because of that," Jordan reminded him.
"So I did. The years after that were so much better, and then, when you guys found me, it was even better than that. It's not your fault I can barely remember one month of my life." He started pacing. "What he did is his fault, and blaming you was... I don't know, a way of making someone else responsible. He did it to hurt you! If he could see us now, he'd laugh." Jon looked at Jordan, then leaned against the door again. They were silent, and Jon wondered if anything he'd said had helped. He took a deep breath and Jordan looked up again. "I don't blame you for what happened to me," he said, opening the door. "I hope that counts for something." He left the room feeling like a monster.
Go on to Next Chapter | Grounds for Vengeance
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